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Poison Ivy? Been there my friend... Out canoeing and decide to explore one of the small island on my lake... Nature calls and end up wiping with poison ivy... This is further exacerbated by my urge, later in the hike to masturbate...
In doing so, I rub my hand ALL over myself, spreading the Ivy's oils all over my skin... I think you get the picture...
This is made even worse when I get stuck in a head wind and spend three hours fighting to get back home in the middle of open water... Sunburn doesn't begin to describe it.
The next morning I am a sunburned wreck, with an itchy ass, a swollen dick and a ball sack the size of a small cantaloupe... My wife couldn't decide whether to take pity or just laugh at me all day... It was mildly amusing to watch her face shift between the two.
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"My hands are on fire. Hands are on fire. Ain't got no more time for all you charlatans and liars."
- Old Man Luedecke
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