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This sounds like a microcosm of my marriage. My wife was brought up strict Catholic and that sex was dirty. Her mother told her that sex was something she had to submit to for the privilege of being married. Her mother also never saw her own husband's erect penis in the light. Everything was done in the dark.
My wife was a virgin before our wedding night. The honeymoon was miserable. She was so tense and then she bled a lot. She was extremely disappointed in sex although she never told me. She used to orgasm all the time when we were just messing around prior to marriage. After marriage, the only way she could get really turned on was to watch pornos with me. We did trace some of it to her birth control. She switched, and it helped her lubrication a bit.
It affected our marriage a bunch during the first few years as she wasn't enjoying sex and as much as she thought she was hiding it, it was pretty easy to tell. She was masturbating and getting off much easier. Well, the trick to this is that she was more of a clitoral orgasm girl compared to g-spot. Intercourse can feel good to her, but she rarely orgasms to it. After a long stretch of talking to her about it and getting her to realize that it wasn't great for me if she wasn't enjoying it, she began to open up to me a bunch more. She gets off very easily now and initiates sex all the time (compared to previously when it didn't happen unless I initiated it). It isn't an easy process, but it was really worth it once we got there. I would say that we had 5 so-so years with sex, 3 years or so of decent sex and now 5 years of mind-blowing sex. It is great every single time now.
I had lots of experience coming into the marriage, but my experience never prepared me for her. If you can work through it, it turns out great.
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