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With me, a 30-year old only child (male), relations with my father over the past few months have been lousy, to say the least. I'm getting married soon and decided to move in with my fiancee, despite my father's wishes (he assumed I would move at the wedding).

Now he accuses me of "betraying" my family, not realizing how bad things would be, and basically doesn't want to see us, come to the wedding and have anything to do with us. He feels that after raising me for 30 years with family values, I turned my back on him and now doesn't call me, doesn't talk to me much when I go to visit them (once a week or less, my mother fortunately is fine with us and comes to visit often and talks to me daily). He is stubborn and behaving like a kid.

He might be "empty nesting" -- i was the "glue" that held the household together all my life. Or he might be overprotective again, worrying that my fiancee is pulling the strings. Maybe both. We may never know.

I've tried the "soft" approach, but now logic (and therapy) says that he needs to be shaken up, needs to feel he might lose me, in order to come to his senses. But just the thought of him not being there at my wedding -- one of the most important days in our life -- almost makes me fall apart. Our occasional discussions either turn into shouting matches, or with me in tears, unable to comprehend how things have turned out.

Any thoughts from anyone?