Do you mean orthodox as in Greek Orthodox, or do you mean a more mainline branch of American Protestantism (e.g. Lutheran, Baptist, Presbyterian, etc)? I take it you're not Catholic, but I just wanna get the background straight.
Also, how much sex education did each of you receive from your parents? Are they open to talking about sex?
Also, have you actually said to her, especially recently,
"I feel very hurt when you do not want to work with me on our sex life, and when you appear to have given up on the idea already"... or something like that. Be assertive in telling her how her behavior and/or words affect you directly; if nothing else, this should get her heart's attention... I really don't know if she has a full understanding of how much pain you are in, because she is being rather stubborn and not empathetic, from what you say. The Bible states that the two people become one flesh... and I think she's not allowing that to happen with you, which I see as being downright wrong.
And maybe add a more positive statement, such as: "It would make me feel more loved if we could work toward having a good sex life together, and I'm totally willing to go to counseling if that's what we need to do, but I need your help on this."
Somehow I don't think birth control is the whole issue. It may be, but I doubt it. I started having sex last spring (as I said, I had planned to wait until marriage, but made a conscious decision that while I didn't want to sleep around, I did want to be in a stable relationship; so that's what happened, and it's a good thing)... and with no relation to the birth control, I had a VERY hard time relaxing and enjoying sex. Even when I was very turned on, my vaginal walls just would NOT relax. It always hurt a bit when he first slid inside me, but after a short while my body (mind) relaxed and I could enjoy it. But it took MONTHS of doing this every day, with it hurting a bit at the beginning each time, before my mind finally let go of whatever the problem was.
Personally I think a lot of it had to do with my strict attitude towards sex before this point, and like your wife, I liked being a "bad girl" until I had to deal with the reality. A lesser man might have given up on me and decided it wasn't worth it (and I don't think you're one of those, btw!), but I credit my boyfriend for being patient enough with me until I could finally enjoy sex the way it's meant to be enjoyed.
He was a virgin too, and from that perspective I can tell you that learning about each other's bodies together, with no prior baggage, is really a wonderful process... and that's what the point of your waiting until marriage was supposed to be, right? So I don't like hearing that you have to miss out on it. Definitely keep talking to your wife, be assertive in telling her your feelings (esp. being hurt), and try counseling, if she's willing.