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To be honest....while I do enjoy the story, your extensive use of poetic language seems forced in this, as if you feel the need to add meat to the story by adding adjectives to everything possible. This type of writting is more condusive to poetry, than fiction.
I very much enjoyed the premise, but was a bit put off by the writting style.
Just my opinion....and likely not worth much.
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Holding onto anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned. - Buddha
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