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May I ask what religious background each of you has (specific denominations), and why you chose to wait until marriage to have sex? I'm not judging it as wrong to do so, as I used to be an evangelical Christian and believed I would wait until marriage... however, I realized how damaging that would be to me individually (even though many of my friends did wait, with mixed results) and to my future relationship(s).
I have heard many stories about married couples being sexually incompatible, but that's not always the end of the story. Many go to couples counseling (once both people recognize that there is a problem; have you communicated to your wife about how much it hurts you when she pushes you away?) and are able to work towards a solution without losing their marriage. Incidentally, did you attend any kind of premarriage counseling? (Most churches require this of anyone getting married.) If so, what role did sexual compatibility/expectation play in your sessions?
Sorry for all the questions, but there are a lot of unknowns in this whole situation... it sounds like your wife really needs to be honest with herself about her background and come clean with you about why she is so disinterested (or afraid) of sex. I respect you for trying to give her space, but the issue comes down to YOUR happiness in the relationship as well as hers, and I'm afraid you will begin to resent her eventually. That's where it's her responsibility to own up to her issues in order to function better (in all aspects, physical included) in relationship with you.
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