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Hello,
I very much appreciate the feedback so far.
In regards to specific issues raised:
It is scary to think that such an issue can result in the breakdown of the relationship. Due to various cultural/religious/family reasons, any sort of breakup wouldn't be possible, and to be honest, I have no reason to want such a think at all, neither now nor in the future. We both love each other very much. However, the point that it can just get worse is taken and that's probably why I'm asking how to deal with it from now.
I can feel the negative effects it has on me - it is destroying my self-esteem. What husband doesn't want to feel sexually-desired by his wife? It also results in me being stressed out/depressed. Indeed I feel more like a roommate than a lover.
In regards to life-circumstances, we are both mid-20s and have no children. Trying to keep our sex life alive by grabbing, caressing, touching does not work whatsoever. It results in her telling me not to touch her/stop it/etc. and that she is not interested in that. Within the past year she has initiated sex once, and that was after several intense discussions about this topic and she perhaps felt bad about it. But never since then.
In regards to previous experiences, we were both virgins when we were married. Her upbringing was more puritanical than mine, and I know this is a factor. However, she has been told many times, by many people, that this strict view of sex as 'negative' isn't healthy in marriage. She agrees, but nothing happens about it. While we were engaged we did engage in various intimate activities (nothing as far as intercourse) and it was great. But more importantly, her attitude towards sex was different. There was an excitement and anticipation she had towards sex once we were married; she used to make comments about her dreaming about the pleasures of sexuality once we were married many times. That has totally evaporated.
maleficent: I hear you in regards to the stresses of work, being newly married, etc. affecting people and she often cites that as a problem. However, I feel I must disagree - I always thought that sexual love was suppose to be a stress-reliever. That in a turbulant time finding love with your spouse was to help. You're arguing that it will depress the feeling. I'm saying they are independent. If not, then everyone's sexual life should be suffering, since I don't know a single person who isn't having problems. And we've talked about this issue many times. She acknowledges it as a POTENTIAL problem, but has said she would rather I reduce my sexual drive to her level, rather than what she feels is my overtly-high sexual drive. She seems to think I've got way too high a sexual drive (I do - for her. She's beautiful and I'm very attracted to her) and I had to go online and find out statistical information in regards to frequency of sex to convince her that what she's feeling isn't normal. (I used the durex global sex survey - world average is 3 times / week). Even then she admitted that she doesn't feel it, but that she can't do anything to change herself.
An interesting question you asked regarding birth control - she did start birth control when we got married. Specifically the Ortho Cyclen. Does this affect her sex drive? I don't know. Maybe someone else can give input.
Thanks
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