Quote:
Originally posted by JadziaDax
It's easy to sit back and say "Let him love you; let him care about you. Accept it. You DO deserve it." It's not so easy to do it.
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Jadzia... i could not agree more... i cannot tell you how many times i have spoken those words to someone else... but when i try to apply them to myself? it's a completely different story...
i think you are right in what you say about it being rooted in our self-esteem. Willow and i have gone back and forth about this for the during of our relationship...
it's not that i don't trust him, it's not that i don't believe him or in his feelings for me... it's about me... allowing his love to sink in, deep down, and really honor it.
coming from past relationships that were very destructive and abusive, this is a major hurdle for me. on some level, in my head, i know i "deserve" it... but on a much deeper level... i doubt... i get afraid... perhaps i am afraid that if i TRULY let it sink in, and i begin to trust... it will be taken away... and i'll be reminded that i am NOT worth it afterall...
*soft sigh*... i hope i don't sound pathetic here... i am just speaking to those insecurities that i think most of us hold deep inside and rarely confront.