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In theory the hemmorroid cream should work since the cause is often the veins showing through the relatively thin skin in that area, so if you reduced the size of those vessels... Also, I've heard that (wet) tea bags work pretty well (may be because the tannic acid is a vasoconstrictor.)
Or you could just get a really nice pair of Ray Bans.
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"Religion is the one area of our discourse in which it is considered noble to pretend to be certain about things no human being could possibly be certain about"
--Sam Harris
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