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Originally Posted by MacGuyver
TFP'ers - Although the majority of you say 'It's not your problem, don't deal with it.' I don't think that is the answer la petite moi is looking for. Obviously she cares alot about her sister to show great concern for what mishaps she may be brining upon herself. It may not be her problem, but I get the feeling la petite moi isn't treating it as her problem as much as she is just being a caring sister and trying to support someone of her own blood.
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The thing is, MacGuyver, that no matter how understanding and noncondescending she is, if her sister isn't interested in her help, then nothing she does is going to work. I am in my mid thirties, and I was in lpm's exact situation. I asked my mother once why they were so hard on me and not on my sister who was a serious fuckup. She actually said that they were harder on me because they expected more from me... WTF?? I've since told my mother that maybe if they'd expected more from her, she'd have learned to meet a higher standard.
As it is, I had my go at a fucked up life... Instead of doing what lpm is doing, I took it to heart that I was never going to live up to their standards, and gave up. I tried and tried (at my parents' insistence) to "help" my sister out, sacrificing my own life to the point that I didn't have one. I nearly killed myself with drugs and alcohol and other stupid things in an attempt to drown my "inadequecies." And for what? My sister is 11
months younger than I am. She is still a serious fuck up. She's birthed four children, none of whom she has custody of. She's been married twice, goes through men like they're disposable. She's been evicted from every apartment she's every lived in. Her credit sucks, she barely makes ends meet. My parents are still bailing her out.
I wish, rather than taking the responsibility my parents unfairly burdened me with regarding my sister, I'd been strong enough to tell them she was their problem... I wish I'd been strong enough to stand up to them and say no, that my own future was as important (or more, at least to me) as Gina's. I wish I hadn't squandered, in my own way, my own opportunities by sacrificing them to "help" my sister.
I think its absolutely wonderful that lpm wants to help her own sister. But I think that most of the advice here has been on the money: Concentrate on her own future, do her time, and get the fuck out. Honestly, she really needs to get in the habit now of self-validation.... She's never going to get it from her family, and they are always going to try and make her feel bad for choosing herself over anyone else.
Oh, gods, le petite moi, I'm sorry for speaking of you in the third person... But you get my drift. I feel for you... I remember being in your shoes. I fucked up my opportunities, but you don't have to.