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You could take the Crank Yanker approach and get them to buy your product by making them feel overwhelmingly sorry for you (i.e., talk with in a meek voice with a pittiful studder and act like you have cancer or something).
If it doesn't work for sales, it would at least be comedic.
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it's all nice on ice alright
and it's not day
and it's not night
but it's all nice on ice alright
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