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Squishor · 01-22-2005, 11:33 AM

Mzm - I agree with everyone here that you should get out, get custody of the child, and not let this woman walk all over your feelings any longer. It's obvious that you love her and there's nothing wrong with that. I'm sure she has very lovable qualities and there is a lot of good in her. However, she needs to grow up!

I have been in quite a few long-term relationships and want to share a little bit of my experience. I stayed in an unhappy relationship for 6 years because it was comfortable and safe, and I was afraid to break it off. I would never waste my time like that again! Mzm, do not waste your time any longer!!

One thing that happened in that relationship was that I cheated on my boyfriend with several other guys. In retrospect it would have been a lot better to break up with him rather than put him through that because he certainly knew, even though we never talked about it. I would guess that your wife likely has issues similar to mine, and she probably feels unable to stop her bahavior. Well, we are capable of a lot more than we think if we get uncomfortable enough. After years of being a cheating girlfriend (in that and other relationships) I was able to change, because I ended up hurting someone who I loved so much I couldn't stand his pain. Many people here have said that people don't change, but I am proof that they can change - however, it takes something earth-shaking to make it happen. She needs to feel the pain of what she has done, there's no way around that. Given her behavior, I would hazard a guess that there's a pretty good chance she may turn to drugs as a way of not feeling it, so the faster you ensure your child's safety the better.

I know you're concerned that she has nowhere to go, but she's capable of solving that problem for herself. She can get a job and rent a room, it's that simple. Maybe she will get motivated to develop some kind of career. Her survival is not in your hands. It sounds harsh (and it is) but you already have one child to raise - let her learn how to take care of herself.

01-22-2005, 11:33 AM	#61 (permalink)
Squishor Frontal Lobe Location: California	Mzm - I agree with everyone here that you should get out, get custody of the child, and not let this woman walk all over your feelings any longer. It's obvious that you love her and there's nothing wrong with that. I'm sure she has very lovable qualities and there is a lot of good in her. However, she needs to grow up! I have been in quite a few long-term relationships and want to share a little bit of my experience. I stayed in an unhappy relationship for 6 years because it was comfortable and safe, and I was afraid to break it off. I would never waste my time like that again! Mzm, do not waste your time any longer!! One thing that happened in that relationship was that I cheated on my boyfriend with several other guys. In retrospect it would have been a lot better to break up with him rather than put him through that because he certainly knew, even though we never talked about it. I would guess that your wife likely has issues similar to mine, and she probably feels unable to stop her bahavior. Well, we are capable of a lot more than we think if we get uncomfortable enough. After years of being a cheating girlfriend (in that and other relationships) I was able to change, because I ended up hurting someone who I loved so much I couldn't stand his pain. Many people here have said that people don't change, but I am proof that they can change - however, it takes something earth-shaking to make it happen. She needs to feel the pain of what she has done, there's no way around that. Given her behavior, I would hazard a guess that there's a pretty good chance she may turn to drugs as a way of not feeling it, so the faster you ensure your child's safety the better. I know you're concerned that she has nowhere to go, but she's capable of solving that problem for herself. She can get a job and rent a room, it's that simple. Maybe she will get motivated to develop some kind of career. Her survival is not in your hands. It sounds harsh (and it is) but you already have one child to raise - let her learn how to take care of herself.