Jimellow

I recently attended the service for the death of a friend's father. I didn't know him, but she wanted me to be there and stand with her as she read the eulogy, because alone she didn't think she would be able to. When the time came, she did a great job, read the entire thing on her own, and I didn't have to do anything more than hold her hand as she read what she wrote to those in attendance.

I am really intrigued by eulogies. Personally, I am not the kind of person that is overly emotional around my parents. They do a ton for me, and I thank them, but I'm pretty sure they have no idea how much they have bettered my life, through actions and also being there for me, always.

In a way this frustrates me, because it seems that people are remembered and praised through eulogies when it's too late. If I had to write a eulogy for either of my parents right now, I would have a ton of experiences to draw from, and I'm confident I could do a superb job writing about their greatness as people, parents, and friends. However, I am not one to go up to them and tell them, and thus it seems that they will never find out how great they were until they die; and even then it will be too late, as they won't be hearing the eulogies being read.

As I stood there next to my friend as she read recountments of her experiences with her dad and what a great guy he seemed to be, it saddened me that people go through life taking things for granted and then they are gone, only then to be fully thanked, praised, and respected for their contributions. I am not implying my friend was ungrateful or that she didn't love her dad. In fact, that wasn't the case at all, she loved him very much, and grieved for his loss greatly. Instead, I am just commenting on the notion that I (and maybe others) go through life taking things for granted, and then when the people close to them die, they then write out eulogies that express feelings that were possibly never expressed in life.

For instance, and to bring this back towards me, if one of my parents died tomorrow, and I were to write a eulogy, that eulogy would cover a ton of things I've never spoken to my parents about. The good memories I have and experiences I've shared with them throughout life were enjoyable, but I am not "outgoing" emotionally with my parents, and thus I don't think they have any idea I'm as appreciative as I am of situations I've spent with them throughout life.

However, if I were to write a eulogy for them, it would be filled with recountments of these experiences and how they resulted in my life being so much better because of them.

This made me wonder if anyone has ever written a eulogy (or similiar document with another name) for a loved one before they died? How would something like this be accepted?

Understandably, when someone dies the focus is almost always on the good they did, but I don't think that necessarily means that one has to wait until death to fully express their appreciation for the goodness they experienced in life through the actions of the deceased.

So how can it be done? I am not sure a discussion would work as well, because the material covered is quite a lot, and I think (for me personally) something written would be ideal. I honestly think a eulogy written and presented to someone before they are dead (and I mean well before, not when they are dying), would be a great way of letting someone know just how much they mean to me (or you, or anyone).

Lastly, if one of my parents were to die tomorrow, and I were to write a eulogy, I know that the first thought I would have after reading it would be, "Shit, they are gone, and I am only thanking them and expressing how much they've meant to me now; and now is too late."

So the obvious response is, "Well, then tell them now." Which is fine, and a good suggestion, but how? I know I am not the type to go up to them and start a discussion that thanks them for everything, and I think such a discussion would seem weak and affected because it's just so much material. Something written would work, a eulogy would work, but would it?

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Desperation is no excuse for lowering one's standards.