warrrreagl

Certainly, no one else has as much trouble eating out as we do, and there must be a dozen threads to which I've already posted in that respect. Therefore, I decided to create a separate post specifically for mine (and others') restaurant disappointments and sagas.

And I accept that a MAJOR part of our problem is that we live in a college town where "Wing Night" is the highlight of the week for a majority of the local population.

But my wife and I aren't demanding perfection; merely competence.

Last night, we went out to a fairly new Italian Grill in our town (a place with tablecloths) and we were anticipating the usually excellent atmosphere and food from this place. Every time we visit, at least one of us orders Italian Pot Roast, and it is so scrumptious and tender that they serve it with a butter knife.

The waitress reminded both of us of Molly Shannon, which is not a good mental picture of your food server. My wife ordered the Italian Pot Roast and I ordered Lemon Rosemary Chicken. One of the runners brought out the entrees within mere minutes of us receiving our salads (which always pisses me off), and Molly Shannon came back by within seconds after that and asked how everything was. Since neither of us had even attempted a bite of the entrees yet, we both said, "Fine."

The trouble started when my wife tried to eat the pot roast. It was so tough that I let her borrow my steak knife and she STILL couldn't cut it. It seemed to be very poor cuts of meat full of fat and gristle and basically drowned in gravy in an attempt to hide it. Clearly, this was way below par for what we'd come to expect. When Molly Shannon came back by several minutes later and asked if the pot roast was as "yummy as I told you it would be," my wife said, "No." "Actually," she said, "it's not as tender and good as it usually is."

Now, in the 19 years I've known my wife, she has NEVER sent anything back to the kitchen, and she wasn't trying to start a new tradition last night. She was simply (and politely) answering that the pot roast was not as good as it usually is. However, Molly Shannon gritted her teeth at my wife and said, "Well, why didn't you say anything sooner so that I could have done something about it?" We were both floored, and I wasn't even sure if I'd heard her correctly. And then, without warning, she grabbed my wife's plate out from under her and took off with it!

So there we were, my wife sitting in front of an empty place setting, and me sitting in front of a plate of chicken, both of us looking stunned and not sure what to say. And into this odd environment stepped my boss and her husband. They stopped at our table as they were on their way out the door, and appropriate pleasantries and sucking ups were exchanged. And they shook our hands!!! My God, if I ever meet any of you TFPers while I'm eating, DON'T TRY TO SHAKE MY GODDAMN HAND, DAMNIT!!! Not while I'm eating, for Christ's sake. All of this was followed by the inevitable question from my boss to my wife, "Aren't you eating?" We both stumbled through a combined reply of "It wasn't very good so she sent it back." To this, my boss replied that her youngest son worked there. Great. And while we were talking to them, Molly Shannon lurked back in behind us and silently handed my wife a menu.

So when my boss and her husband finally walked away, my wife looked at the menu and said, "Is this what I'm supposed to do now?" Since our hands needed re-washing anyway and I was halfway finished with my food, she decided not to order anything else. We simply asked for the check and rehearsed what we might say to the manager who we imagined was rushing to our table right at that very moment.

Nope. No manager, no nothing. Simply a bill from Molly Shannon. She had removed my wife's entrée from the check, but went ahead and charged her for the salad and diet Coke. To me, that seemed to suggest she thought we were up to something. Maybe we were con artists who bilked local eateries out of free salad and Cokes by sending our entrees back to the kitchen, and Molly Shannon was determined that the buck would stop here tonight, by God. The only thing I could think to do to get back at her was to steal all the Sweet 'n' Low out of the container on the table. Yeah, THAT showed her!

So, we left, went home, washed our hands, and then went to IHOP, where my wife ordered pancakes and bacon. And we bitched about Molly Shannon long into the night….

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