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Rodney · 01-09-2005, 07:36 AM

College friends are hard to hang onto. Even if they're in the same area as you, they're off developing new interests: new job, new friends on the job, new boyfriend or girlfriend, new worries, new hopes and aspirations -- few of which you share.

From college I kept close contact with maybe two guys, and it was hard; not only were we in different areas, but we had different interests. One guy was a dashiki-wearing EE major with radical thoughts who went barefoot through four years of college. He ended up a seriously conservative baptist in Washington state with four daughters and a very nice senior position at Microsoft. The other guy was a sharp-dresing meteorology major with a background in motel management. He ended up coming out as gay, embezzling money from several motels, having a nervous breakdown and committing himself to a mental hospital, and finally settling down to a steady life with a job as an IT guy for Raytheon in Santa Barbara with a steady partner, a former soap-opera actor. And I became a fairly conventional, politically liberal DINK in the SF Bay Area.

Eventually, we all drifted apart. I mean, we all traveled down different roads, how could we not? A lot of friendship is based on commonality of interests, shared experiences, and even proximity (not just living in the same town, but in the same building); when those things change, so does the friendship. I'm proud we kept in touch as long as we did (15 years or so) but eventually life moved us all too far apart, mentally and emotionally.

I do have a couple of friends that I've known for 30 years and who are still strong friends, but a) I don't see them much, b) we still have a lot in common, even if we aren't doing stuff together all the time, and c) we had _a lot_ of shared experiences over the years, through thick and thin, to the point where we're more like brothers than friends. At some point, the strength of a friendship is measured not so much in how often you see each other, but in how little difference the passing of time affects your bond.

01-09-2005, 07:36 AM	#8 (permalink)
Rodney Observant Ruminant Location: Rich Wannabe Hippie Town	College friends are hard to hang onto. Even if they're in the same area as you, they're off developing new interests: new job, new friends on the job, new boyfriend or girlfriend, new worries, new hopes and aspirations -- few of which you share. From college I kept close contact with maybe two guys, and it was hard; not only were we in different areas, but we had different interests. One guy was a dashiki-wearing EE major with radical thoughts who went barefoot through four years of college. He ended up a seriously conservative baptist in Washington state with four daughters and a very nice senior position at Microsoft. The other guy was a sharp-dresing meteorology major with a background in motel management. He ended up coming out as gay, embezzling money from several motels, having a nervous breakdown and committing himself to a mental hospital, and finally settling down to a steady life with a job as an IT guy for Raytheon in Santa Barbara with a steady partner, a former soap-opera actor. And I became a fairly conventional, politically liberal DINK in the SF Bay Area. Eventually, we all drifted apart. I mean, we all traveled down different roads, how could we not? A lot of friendship is based on commonality of interests, shared experiences, and even proximity (not just living in the same town, but in the same building); when those things change, so does the friendship. I'm proud we kept in touch as long as we did (15 years or so) but eventually life moved us all too far apart, mentally and emotionally. I do have a couple of friends that I've known for 30 years and who are still strong friends, but a) I don't see them much, b) we still have a lot in common, even if we aren't doing stuff together all the time, and c) we had _a lot_ of shared experiences over the years, through thick and thin, to the point where we're more like brothers than friends. At some point, the strength of a friendship is measured not so much in how often you see each other, but in how little difference the passing of time affects your bond.