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With my son, it's not about shooting the aliens, i.e killing the bad guys. It's about the skill involved clearing the mission. It's plainly make believe. My wife used to have a "no guns" policy in the house (toy guns) but after seeing him pick up a stick ( this is before Halo) and shoot with it, she realized that it is an inevitable occurance.
It's a choice you make for your children, and I think that context has a great deal to do with it. If my little boy was running aroung emulating a killing spree, that would be different. But he loves the skill of the game, that is every game, the violence factor has nothing to do with it. Driving games are played with the same zeal.
There is violence in cartoons, violence on the news, violence on the streets. I grew up as a martial artist and I don't try to beat up everyone that disagrees with me. Some of the same parents that won't let their kid watch a PG-13 movie will put their kid in karate class. It's context and perception. Kids shouldn't be reared in a vacuum. It's up to the parents to assess their kids and decide if something is good for them or not.
So... until you meet my little gamer, give me the benefit of the doubt. He is a gamer, not a spree-killer in the making.
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The sad thing is... as you get older you come to realize that you don't so much pilot your life, as you just try to hold on, in a screaming, defiant ball of white-knuckle anxious fury 
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