Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community - View Single Post - Golden Rule doesn't apply to your children?(Kind of a rant)

K-Wise · 12-30-2004, 04:21 AM

^ If I can read it anyone can regardless of paragraphs. I was stressed out when I wrote and I wasn't exactly thinking about grammar and punctuation.

I appreciate your words Zen. They may be true for my mother..but not my father. You don't know him. No one outside this immediate family could ever possibly know him. It's hard to explain him. Probably impossible. He has his moments where he's great. Tonight was my parents anniversary and he cooked a meal for us. Probably partially because my mom isn't allowed to cook following her hystorectamy...but more so I think he wanted to do it. But it's hard for me to think about all the good things/times because they're spaced so far apart. Most of the time he's pretty much unbearable. Rude, insulting, inconsiderate, stubborn, lazy, mean, abusive, irrational, impatient, illogical, no tact, prideful, unapologetic, concieted, immature, unreasonable, two-faced shit etc. etc. You name it. And you can't tell him that because he takes offense. Tries to reasure himself..tries to excuse himself...tells us we should be grateful. Why do parents/spouses expect credit for something they're supposed to do to begin with? Something they agreed to do a long time ago. Like feed you, clothe you, shelter you, take you where you need to go? Basically just take care of you? Thats your job. You're a parent. And it doesn't stop because your kids grow up either. If they still live in your house they can't take care of themselves entirely yet. Until they can you should just do..not ask questions, not expect anything. Even if they've left your house. They don't stop being your children. So just trying to get by isn't a good enough excuse for me. I'm also trying to get by. I'm trying to get on my way. Get a life of my own. The least they could do is help me get there. It's not like I've never ever done anything for them. It's just something you do for the people you love. You don't ASK for anything in return and you don't expect anything either.

I try to excuse my fathers behaviour by trying to understand where he comes from. Him not having a father of his own, him having to work hard for everything he has etc. But the truth is that has nothing to do with how he should treat ME his son. I had nothing to do with any of that. I didn't ask to be born either. Just because he had a hard life doesn't mean he has to impose that upon me by belittling me every day, insulting me every day, and trying to discourage me every day. Far as I can tell all his siblings don't share the same flaws. They may not be as successful and certainly have their own flaws but I'm sure they don't treat their children and other people like that.

The only time I've ever been on my own is that 1 semester at College. And my sister was there with me. I had to learn the hard way how unfair college is to everyone. Not just myself but everyone. Just trying to better yourself shouldn't be so difficult. Knowing what I know now hopefully I can get my shit together and get it over with when I do go back. I wouldn't be the only one who had to leave and came back..or just started over at another school.

See I'd love to break off on my own for a little while but the problem is I'm pretty sure I'd never want to go back. As a result who knows when I'd finally get an education and do something that can heighten my chances for having a career ahead of me. I want to go, get the education and find a job that pays well but gives me enough leisure time to focus on my hobbies...scratch that my passions. I would love to record music but the sad truth is even though I have talent I'll probably never get paid for it. Because thats not what they sell. The thing I'm afraid of is having a "this is what I'm doing until my music career kicks off" job and then it more than likely never will kick off and I'm stuck doing that job. Especially if it's a job I hate doing. But I suppose as long as I get to make music I'll still be happy regardless. Living like I have I've learned to just put up with things. Which is probably a bad thing but I'm usually pretty clueless as to what else I could do.

My father always tries to dissuade me from everything. I've been telling him ever since I was a small child that I wanted to learn to play something and he just laughed at me. Told me things like "Do you know how hard it is? You know how much your fingers are going to hurt?" and dismissed the idea right off the bat. Now that I'm twenty he purposely fucks with me. My neice just barely turned a year old and he bought her a toy keyboard with a mic and bench for Christmas. Everytime he talks to my sister he wants to know if she's playing with it yet. Says she'd better call up our old choir teacher and arrange for her to take piano lessons every day for the rest of her life. We're at Wal Mart and he sees a small keyboard (A real one..not a toy) and he looks at me, and points to it and he says "THATS gonna be her next present!" Like thats right I'm gonna buy it for her but I wouldn't/won't buy it for you. I don't know why he's like that. He doesn't give a shit about what it does to me either. If I ever have told him how much it hurts me when he does things like that he makes fun of me. Like "Oh now you're sad?" and laughs at me and teases me. Why is he trying to make me jealous of my own neice?

I realise theres a lot of things out there that can help me make the most of my situation but they make it so damn difficult to get them. I don't know about family bridges and supports. The bridges for me stretch over long canyons and have crocodiles at the bottom. The boards are old and worn, some are missing, and people are throwing small rocks at me while I'm trying to cross. Point is times already are hard. Just a different kind of hard. Both will suck.

MXL I think thats awesome man. The world could use more parents like you. I'd like to say my parents do the best that they can but thats just not always the case. With my mother yes but not my father. He could do a whole lot more.

Seems I've turned a simple treat your kids with respect post into a pathetic pool of my own issues with my father. Wasn't my original intention. I guess I didn't take into account what kind of responses I'd get..or what those responses would make me think.

Asta!!

12-30-2004, 04:21 AM	#7 (permalink)
K-Wise It's All About The Ass!! Location: In a pool of mayonnaise!!	^ If I can read it anyone can regardless of paragraphs. I was stressed out when I wrote and I wasn't exactly thinking about grammar and punctuation. I appreciate your words Zen. They may be true for my mother..but not my father. You don't know him. No one outside this immediate family could ever possibly know him. It's hard to explain him. Probably impossible. He has his moments where he's great. Tonight was my parents anniversary and he cooked a meal for us. Probably partially because my mom isn't allowed to cook following her hystorectamy...but more so I think he wanted to do it. But it's hard for me to think about all the good things/times because they're spaced so far apart. Most of the time he's pretty much unbearable. Rude, insulting, inconsiderate, stubborn, lazy, mean, abusive, irrational, impatient, illogical, no tact, prideful, unapologetic, concieted, immature, unreasonable, two-faced shit etc. etc. You name it. And you can't tell him that because he takes offense. Tries to reasure himself..tries to excuse himself...tells us we should be grateful. Why do parents/spouses expect credit for something they're supposed to do to begin with? Something they agreed to do a long time ago. Like feed you, clothe you, shelter you, take you where you need to go? Basically just take care of you? Thats your job. You're a parent. And it doesn't stop because your kids grow up either. If they still live in your house they can't take care of themselves entirely yet. Until they can you should just do..not ask questions, not expect anything. Even if they've left your house. They don't stop being your children. So just trying to get by isn't a good enough excuse for me. I'm also trying to get by. I'm trying to get on my way. Get a life of my own. The least they could do is help me get there. It's not like I've never ever done anything for them. It's just something you do for the people you love. You don't ASK for anything in return and you don't expect anything either. I try to excuse my fathers behaviour by trying to understand where he comes from. Him not having a father of his own, him having to work hard for everything he has etc. But the truth is that has nothing to do with how he should treat ME his son. I had nothing to do with any of that. I didn't ask to be born either. Just because he had a hard life doesn't mean he has to impose that upon me by belittling me every day, insulting me every day, and trying to discourage me every day. Far as I can tell all his siblings don't share the same flaws. They may not be as successful and certainly have their own flaws but I'm sure they don't treat their children and other people like that. The only time I've ever been on my own is that 1 semester at College. And my sister was there with me. I had to learn the hard way how unfair college is to everyone. Not just myself but everyone. Just trying to better yourself shouldn't be so difficult. Knowing what I know now hopefully I can get my shit together and get it over with when I do go back. I wouldn't be the only one who had to leave and came back..or just started over at another school. See I'd love to break off on my own for a little while but the problem is I'm pretty sure I'd never want to go back. As a result who knows when I'd finally get an education and do something that can heighten my chances for having a career ahead of me. I want to go, get the education and find a job that pays well but gives me enough leisure time to focus on my hobbies...scratch that my passions. I would love to record music but the sad truth is even though I have talent I'll probably never get paid for it. Because thats not what they sell. The thing I'm afraid of is having a "this is what I'm doing until my music career kicks off" job and then it more than likely never will kick off and I'm stuck doing that job. Especially if it's a job I hate doing. But I suppose as long as I get to make music I'll still be happy regardless. Living like I have I've learned to just put up with things. Which is probably a bad thing but I'm usually pretty clueless as to what else I could do. My father always tries to dissuade me from everything. I've been telling him ever since I was a small child that I wanted to learn to play something and he just laughed at me. Told me things like "Do you know how hard it is? You know how much your fingers are going to hurt?" and dismissed the idea right off the bat. Now that I'm twenty he purposely fucks with me. My neice just barely turned a year old and he bought her a toy keyboard with a mic and bench for Christmas. Everytime he talks to my sister he wants to know if she's playing with it yet. Says she'd better call up our old choir teacher and arrange for her to take piano lessons every day for the rest of her life. We're at Wal Mart and he sees a small keyboard (A real one..not a toy) and he looks at me, and points to it and he says "THATS gonna be her next present!" Like thats right I'm gonna buy it for her but I wouldn't/won't buy it for you. I don't know why he's like that. He doesn't give a shit about what it does to me either. If I ever have told him how much it hurts me when he does things like that he makes fun of me. Like "Oh now you're sad?" and laughs at me and teases me. Why is he trying to make me jealous of my own neice? I realise theres a lot of things out there that can help me make the most of my situation but they make it so damn difficult to get them. I don't know about family bridges and supports. The bridges for me stretch over long canyons and have crocodiles at the bottom. The boards are old and worn, some are missing, and people are throwing small rocks at me while I'm trying to cross. Point is times already are hard. Just a different kind of hard. Both will suck. MXL I think thats awesome man. The world could use more parents like you. I'd like to say my parents do the best that they can but thats just not always the case. With my mother yes but not my father. He could do a whole lot more. Seems I've turned a simple treat your kids with respect post into a pathetic pool of my own issues with my father. Wasn't my original intention. I guess I didn't take into account what kind of responses I'd get..or what those responses would make me think. Asta!! __________________ "I love music and it's my parents fault (closing statement)." - Me..quoting myself...from when I said that...On TFP..thats here...Tilted Forum Project *It ain't goodbye, it's see ya later! I'll miss you guys!* - Asta!! Last edited by K-Wise; 12-30-2004 at 04:26 AM..