I do indeed have a case of social anxiety. Actually, it's not that much of a problem because I hardly ever go out... (yes, that's bad)
My background:
- I have only a few (3 or 4) friends, and I only see them once every two weeks at most.
- I go shopping once or twice a week. Apart from work, and friends, those are the only times I go out. I spend most of my time at home, alone. I'm basically a hermit...
- Even if I wanted to get out - where the hell would I go? Where does everyone else go? What do other people do with their free time?
- I know for a fact that I'm a nice guy (everyone I know says so), and I even accept that I'm not ugly (that took me quite a while, though. high school bullying sucks).
- I don't feel comfortable talking "socially" to strangers. I wouldn't even know what to talk about in the first place.
- It goes without saying that social/romantic encounters with women aren't happening. After all, where to begin? How to begin? What if she's not single? What if she's not interested? What if the sky falls down, etc... The few semi-romantic encounters I had with women (two) were initiated by them, not me; they also didn't go anywhere romantic.
- At parties, if by some chance I *have* to be there, I'm the one standing in the corner waiting for people to talk to me. Something as advanced as dancing is a definite no-no; I'm afraid I'd look like a fool.
- I have worked as a computer lab assistant for four years, and have been in sales for 18 months - both jobs involved lots of talking. I had no problems there, but I knew exactly what the discussion was about, and what I needed to say. In fact, during the latter job, I was pretty much always the one going to the customer, starting the conversation, etc.
- The few times I had a hard time at work were during high-emotion episodes; trying to reason with an angry client, dealing with annoying co-worker, etc. I'll get *really* nervous, occasionally my legs start shaking, I sweat like a pig, and I really have a hard time talking *and* thinking at the same time. I also tend to remain angry for a loooong time afterwards; I have trouble letting go of that anger.
- Telephones are bad. I *really* don't like calling people. This probably goes back to my childhood, with the endless "what if I dial the wrong number" problem...
- In general, dealing with humans tends to be kinda hard. I'm a typical geek, and expect people to make sense... I also expect them to talk rationally, and to mean what they say. I'm pretty much oblivious to non-verbal communication. (Another problem with women...)
(About non-verbal comms: I just read a book about body language, and it had pages upon pages about something as simple as "shaking hands". Apparently, people use that to convey their social standing. If your hand is on top, you're supposed to be superior... WTF? Are humans truly that silly??? Why didn't anyone tell ME about that?)
Yep, I'm bad... On the other hand, I am getting better. Talking 9 to 5 tends to force you to become more social. Growing (a bit) older also helps; I learn something new every day.
