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rainheart · 12-23-2004, 12:12 AM

Straight dope:

The mistake you are making is that you are letting your friends push you around.
What you need to learn is that there is a balance of respect in any relationship, and you have, by being too nice to your friends, ruined this balance.

I had the same problem because I used to go out with my friends, I would get used by them to spot them cash, I would put up with their comments and their behaviours towards me, they would ass me into going out with them the night before a test, and other kinds of bullshit, like put me down with rude comments and whatnot.

What I did to put that balance back in it's position was simply, tell them exactly what the fuck it was about them that bothered me, how it was insulting to me, and how if they ever did it again I'd never want them to talk with me, and that they could go fuck themselves.

Example:
Friend: "Yeah man I'm getting laid tonight.... so what are you doing tonight...jerking off?"
Me: "You're a fucking moron, if you think I give a shit that you're getting laid you're sadly mistaken. This is the kind of shit that makes you look small. Don't ever insult me with bullshit like that again."
Friend: "But wait that wasn't what I was talking about man, holy shit you're reading too deeply into it!"
Me: "Don't try to insult my intelligence with that bullshit, I'm not fucking stupid. Don't talk to me untill later."
(Or you walk away instead of telling them to leave, whatever)
[Yes, this happened to me]

If you drive a car, if you drive these losers around, tell them to get the fuck out of your car and dump them somewhere, tell them to get their shit straight.

Here's the thing, you can be a good person, you can be moral and you don't have to be an asshole to other people so that you don't get hurt. All you have to do is become good at spotting this crap when it happens, and summing it up through words and spitting it back at the person who does it against you. Tell them what they've done and why you don't like it, tell them you will never give a fuck about them if they do it to you, and tell them you don't want their friendship if that's what they have to offer.

Don't be afraid of losing your friends, ever. Friends are incredibly easy to make.

The next time they call you up say you're busy and can't be bothered. If they whine, tell them you have to go and not to call you again untill later because you are going to be busy. Talk to them in a manner which indicates you don't care about what they have to say or whatever it is they want to do with you.

Your friends have to earn YOUR respect, not the other way around. Especially since you are the one that is nice.

12-23-2004, 12:12 AM	#36 (permalink)
rainheart Psycho	Straight dope: The mistake you are making is that you are letting your friends push you around. What you need to learn is that there is a balance of respect in any relationship, and you have, by being too nice to your friends, ruined this balance. I had the same problem because I used to go out with my friends, I would get used by them to spot them cash, I would put up with their comments and their behaviours towards me, they would ass me into going out with them the night before a test, and other kinds of bullshit, like put me down with rude comments and whatnot. What I did to put that balance back in it's position was simply, tell them exactly what the fuck it was about them that bothered me, how it was insulting to me, and how if they ever did it again I'd never want them to talk with me, and that they could go fuck themselves. Example: Friend: "Yeah man I'm getting laid tonight.... so what are you doing tonight...jerking off?" Me: "You're a fucking moron, if you think I give a shit that you're getting laid you're sadly mistaken. This is the kind of shit that makes you look small. Don't ever insult me with bullshit like that again." Friend: "But wait that wasn't what I was talking about man, holy shit you're reading too deeply into it!" Me: "Don't try to insult my intelligence with that bullshit, I'm not fucking stupid. Don't talk to me untill later." (Or you walk away instead of telling them to leave, whatever) [Yes, this happened to me] If you drive a car, if you drive these losers around, tell them to get the fuck out of your car and dump them somewhere, tell them to get their shit straight. Here's the thing, you can be a good person, you can be moral and you don't have to be an asshole to other people so that you don't get hurt. All you have to do is become good at spotting this crap when it happens, and summing it up through words and spitting it back at the person who does it against you. Tell them what they've done and why you don't like it, tell them you will never give a fuck about them if they do it to you, and tell them you don't want their friendship if that's what they have to offer. Don't be afraid of losing your friends, ever. Friends are incredibly easy to make. The next time they call you up say you're busy and can't be bothered. If they whine, tell them you have to go and not to call you again untill later because you are going to be busy. Talk to them in a manner which indicates you don't care about what they have to say or whatever it is they want to do with you. Your friends have to earn YOUR respect, not the other way around. Especially since you are the one that is nice.