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Captain Nemo · 12-15-2004, 10:33 AM

"Captain Nemo, this is posted in a forum. A FORUM. Forums are used to debate things, talk about them. What else did he want us to post when he wrote a thread in a forum where there are hundreds of people with different views on things?"

la petite moi, thank you for explaining the concept of a forum. I agree that this is about discussion, my only point here was that the discussion shifted to cheating and that wasn't the point of the original post. Once "cheating" hit the radar screen, then off we go on a diatribe about how his significant other feels in this situation.

I applaud you on your views and the morality you display (really, I'm not being sarcastic) and I wish you well on your engagement. I just hate seeing people start calling out people on side issues that had nothing to do with the post in the first place.

I have been out in this world for over 40 years, and the theoretical black and white issue of morality is awfully gray, at least in my part of the world.

And cheating comes in many forms and flavors, alot of which have nothing to do with sex and people outside of the marriage. Personal example; I got married the first time when I was 21 and still in college (big mistake, at least for me). One of the fundamental basics in our commitment to each other was that I was going to immediately role out of my undergrad. program and attend graduate school in Tampa (1 of a handful of schools offering the degree I wanted). My fiance knew this, and agreed with it. Well, 6 months after getting married she informed me that not only could she not move to Florida, but she wanted to move closer back to her home town to be closer to her mother. Did she cheat on me?

I would say yes, she broke a fundamental ground rule that we agreed upon before getting married. Did I carry resentment because of it? Yep, I sure did. Now, she never cheated on me by having a relationship outside of the marriage, but her views tended to be the ones that were acted upon. Should I have dissolved the union earlier? Hell yes, but then kids came along and further complicated matters.

My only point to all of this rambling, is that cheating has many flavors, and I personally felt that the thread skewed off the purpose of the poster's original intent, which was to tell us a story, not to ask if what he did was morally wrong.

Oh, and one other thing, I am not going to tell you that you are to young to get married, but let me offer you a small piece of advice. Talk through the major life events that you will experience with you fiance. For example, right now, having kids is probably the farthest thing on your mind. But make sure that the two of you are in complete agreement with what you expect in the future. Kids can complicate things tremendously. Think baptism. If you two are of different faiths, this can complicate things in the future. Even if you are not active church attendees currently, once those kids are there, religion will rear its' head.

Anyway, off to battle corporate fires

12-15-2004, 10:33 AM	#58 (permalink)
Captain Nemo Insane Location: In a forest of red tape (but hey, I have scissors)	"Captain Nemo, this is posted in a forum. A FORUM. Forums are used to debate things, talk about them. What else did he want us to post when he wrote a thread in a forum where there are hundreds of people with different views on things?" la petite moi, thank you for explaining the concept of a forum. I agree that this is about discussion, my only point here was that the discussion shifted to cheating and that wasn't the point of the original post. Once "cheating" hit the radar screen, then off we go on a diatribe about how his significant other feels in this situation. I applaud you on your views and the morality you display (really, I'm not being sarcastic) and I wish you well on your engagement. I just hate seeing people start calling out people on side issues that had nothing to do with the post in the first place. I have been out in this world for over 40 years, and the theoretical black and white issue of morality is awfully gray, at least in my part of the world. And cheating comes in many forms and flavors, alot of which have nothing to do with sex and people outside of the marriage. Personal example; I got married the first time when I was 21 and still in college (big mistake, at least for me). One of the fundamental basics in our commitment to each other was that I was going to immediately role out of my undergrad. program and attend graduate school in Tampa (1 of a handful of schools offering the degree I wanted). My fiance knew this, and agreed with it. Well, 6 months after getting married she informed me that not only could she not move to Florida, but she wanted to move closer back to her home town to be closer to her mother. Did she cheat on me? I would say yes, she broke a fundamental ground rule that we agreed upon before getting married. Did I carry resentment because of it? Yep, I sure did. Now, she never cheated on me by having a relationship outside of the marriage, but her views tended to be the ones that were acted upon. Should I have dissolved the union earlier? Hell yes, but then kids came along and further complicated matters. My only point to all of this rambling, is that cheating has many flavors, and I personally felt that the thread skewed off the purpose of the poster's original intent, which was to tell us a story, not to ask if what he did was morally wrong. Oh, and one other thing, I am not going to tell you that you are to young to get married, but let me offer you a small piece of advice. Talk through the major life events that you will experience with you fiance. For example, right now, having kids is probably the farthest thing on your mind. But make sure that the two of you are in complete agreement with what you expect in the future. Kids can complicate things tremendously. Think baptism. If you two are of different faiths, this can complicate things in the future. Even if you are not active church attendees currently, once those kids are there, religion will rear its' head. Anyway, off to battle corporate fires Last edited by Captain Nemo; 12-15-2004 at 10:35 AM..