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My first thought is something like "quit banging some other woman and tell your wife you aren't happy with the way your life together has evolved."
My second thought is "your life is just that, your life. I have no place telling you what to do" as long as you are happy.
You deserve the best life you can possibly get. Do you work hard? Do you hold up your end in everything that you do? Do you take that extra step for people - friends or strangers? Then you deserve happiness.
Obviously you have asked for advice so you understand that you need some remedy to this situation. Take the lead and handle it. Whether that means you continue to have a wife and a lover and dwell in a passionless marriage or whether you decide to wake up your wife and rebuild your love-life with her is up to you.
If it makes you happy,
Then it can't be that bad.
If it makes you happy,
Then why the hell are you so sad.
-Sheryl Crow
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