I went over to some girl's house one night to study. Studying led to kissing, etc. Eventually we ended up in her bed. I didn't have any condoms on me at all as I wasn't expecting anything to happen. She reached over me, opened the drawer on the night stand and pulled one out. Now that I think about it, that always kind of scared me even though my performance that night was legendary.
Wait.....all of my performances are legendary. 
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"You hear the one about the fella who died, went to the pearly gates? St. Peter let him in. Sees a guy in a suit making a closing argument. Says, "Who's that?" St. Peter says, "Oh, that's God. Thinks he's Denny Crane."
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