flamingdog

Well basically, I think it's just like I said, it can cross the line between banter and bullying pretty easily, and it's not always gonna be the case that if you genuinely damage someone's feelings, they'll necessarily pipe up, because... well, like you said, if they don't take it too well, you just go at them harder. It's a vicious circle.

But it's a two-way avenue, because I think what my 'banter' revealed about me (and TO me) was that I was a snappy, irritable, grouchy bastard with just enough charisma to deliver his putdowns with a social veil of humour. What's more, the more laughs I got, the more I did it. And there were times I would bring the whole room to giggles. That makes you feel good.

But it's a really sick, fucked up business to be in. I'm genuinely ashamed of that period in my life, and I've messed up friendships because of it.

Now, I'm not saying anyone here is doing this, I'm just highlighting the link between ball-busting and these kind of self-serving putdowns.

It caused me to take a good, hard look at myself, and make some changes.

Nor am I suggesting that we all abandon the good-natured ribbing and form a gender-wide group hug while we reconnect with our inner children, I'm just saying there's a risk of alienation and pain inherent in this kind of thing. It only takes one ill-judged comment to hurt someone badly. You can never take back what you say, and if they don't air it for discussion, you've got one bruised individual there, and not a damn thing you can do to fix it.