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Relationships are such complex and interesting things. Not one follows the usual pattern (or our expectations) perfectly. But there are some common things that are usually true, once we dig down and find out the truth.
The first thing to slip silently away from a marriage is communication. Maybe the couple just relies on silent agreements and expectations to much, and when their partner doesn't behave the expected way, they kind of back off doing the things they used to do. Whatever, pretty soon they aren't sharing much but the house and bed.
The attraction, particularly for the woman, tends to go silently away, second. When she doesn't feel that her lover is communicating with her, she feels unloved. (To most women, that's the same thing.) So she looses interest in making love with this guy she doesn't feel loves her. With her lack of arousal, when they do have sex, she doesn't get aroused enough to get near orgasm, and so he feels less fulfilled by their attempts, much like she does. Pretty soon, they're going long periods without trying.
The lack of feeling loved causes them to withdraw emotionally from one another even more. A vicious cycle has begun that spins them apart by degrees.
What our poor friend must do is start over with his wife. He has to court her like he did the gal at the office. He has to tune his mind in to what is happening for his wife, and ask her about her feelings, then ask her again, until she opens up to him little by little. This will bring her a feeling that he cares, and she will begin to feel loved. Then she'll be emotionally ready to feel aroused again.
The big problem is that, having cheated, and over a long period, and really enjoyed it, he will not be able to be emotionally open with his wife, unless he tells her. The odds are that she will dump him the moment he tells her. So when he thought he was having sex with the hottie at the office, he was really just screwing himself, his wife and any children they have.
That's why we call it cheating.
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Trueheart
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