flamingdog

I once interviewed a guy on crutches. He was on crutches because his left leg was missing above the knee, and by the brief account he gave, had been for some time. He did not use a prosthetic, nor was he reliant on other people for his mobility. In fact, he was more mobile with his crutches than some people with no impairments. I don't know why he didn't use a prosthetic, nor did I ask... the story was not about his leg.

Maybe an artificial limb would make him self-conscious, like his disability was a dirty secret. Maybe he felt physical discomfort in wearing one. But on your analysis, he would have to swallow his pride and wear one anyway, even though he would be uncomfortable, just because you think it's 'unreasonable' for him not to.

Fact is, he didn't. And that's it. Even if he had four midgets underneath him, holding him aloft and carrying him everywhere, well, if that's how he copes with his disability (not accounting for the morality of midget slavery, of course), who am I to argue?

Every situation is different. Everyone has different people and systems they can rely on, disabled or not. I have had friends carry crutches, bags, push wheelchairs and all sorts for me in the past, and I will always be grateful to them. I am fortunate that now, I am completely self-sufficient, though had it not been for the intervention of surgeons in my early teens, that might not have been the case.

In the same way, my mother relies on her husband to a fairly extreme degree, and you know what? He does it all, without complaint, without hesitation, because he loves her. Life is about coping with what you get, not apologising for it. If you're lucky enough to have someone who loves you for you, not your disabilities or lack thereof, then you really can say you're blessed.

Compensating for a disability is one thing, but what you suggest sounds more to me like apologising for it. I've known a lot of disabled people, and I have a disability myself. One of the most important things to me and to those I've known is preserving dignity, just the same as it is for you. Who wants to have to keep pointing out that they can't spell very well, can't run, need to rest every few yards? That's right, nobody. It's embarrassing. And if you want to feel like you're among friends, you don't want to think they're going to point it out all the time.

You apologised for misspelling 'grammar' after I pointed it out. Do you see what I'm saying? I didn't want you to apologise for it, I was actually hoping you would tell me to fuck off. You had every right. I was making a point, not attacking you, and I'm sorry about that.

Is it stupid to be embarrassed by something you can't change? Why are you embarrassed about having consistent problems with spelling 'grammar'? In most other regards, I would expect a dyslexic to cope with their disability, but unfortunately, on an internet message board, their difficulties with writing are going to have the spotlight thrown on them, just as my difficulties with walking or running would be highlighted if I chose to join an athletics club.

Edit: It strikes me that if you're interested in contributing to a discussion, sniping at someone's spelling is simply taking the level of debate down to the playground. And I don't accept that bad spelling makes a post difficult to read. I didn't have any trouble reading yours, and yours had several mistakes. There was a functional dyslexic on a board I used to post on, and though his words were frequently mixed up and misspelled, his meanings were always clear. As long as the meaning is clear, just ignore the spelling mistakes. If the meaning is not clear, ask for the post to be rephrased, or read in context and discern it for yourself. If a post is so badly spelled that you simply cannot read it, even after it's rephrased, (and in nearly two years of TFP membership, I've never seen a post I couldn't understand, even if only in context), just hit back! Forget about it! It's that simple!

You have no right to start jumping in and editing my shit. It's disrespectful. It's condescending. It's outright RUDE. Yet some of you seem to think you can claim that privilege. What basis do you have for that? Your own perfect spelling?

A bit of compassion and understanding, without expecting everyone to wear a sign around their neck outlining their various medical, psychological and personality 'flaws' is apparently too much to ask for.