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As I often do I'll recall something similar that happened to me to try to address your situation. My then soon to be wife and I were invited to one of her friends home for a birthday party for that persons child. Personally I didn't want to go. I would know hardly anyone there, I'm not a big fan of kids and on my one day off from work I wanted to hang out by the pool and relax. I tend to get nervous and feel quite out of sorts when surrounded by groups of strangers and as the time to go to the party approached she noticed a change in my mood. I told her, "You know how I am, I just don't do well at these things and I'm getting nervous and am not crazy about going." She says "Fine don't go then." I say "Oh no, I'll go with you" (I'd been burned by that line before!) She then says "No if you don't want to go then I'd rather you didn't." Anyhoo this went on for a bit and I finally said "OK, I'll just stay home." She went and I stayed and enjoyed myself by the pool with the nagging sense that I was in trouble. She came back from the party and was fairly cold to me. A couple of days went by with her giving me the cold shoulder when she finally erupted in a fit of emotion wanting to know what was wrong with me, did I not want to be with her, and telling me I needed to be sure about the relationship or If I wasn't happy maybe we should break up! Okay...... I had thought she was just mad about the party. I guess I'm simple. To me not going to the party was just not going to the party. Thats it, end of story. To her not going was indicitive of not wanting to participate in her life, not wanting to be around her, and not being commited to the relationship. It was really a culmination of other things that I'd done and the party was the final straw. I'd been complaining about my new commute to work, griping about some things around the house and just generally being mopey. Plus we weren't going out as much and our sex life had lagged a bit. I'd been working a lot and had quite a bit of stress so I hadn't noticed how some of my actions were effecting her. The party thing was really just a catalyst for her to express her own frustrations and fears about my behavior and her perceptions of my behavior. So I guess what I mean by that lengthy (sorry) story is that she's probably not playing a game, she just has some issue she hasn't addressed yet. My wife didn't care about the party as such either. She just wanted me to want to go with her and when she offered me an out it was only so I wouldn't take it and "show my devotion" by accompanying her. Kind of fucked up in my mind, but then it was also fucked up that I didn't go when deep down I knew she wanted me there. I've since told her if she wants me to do something she KNOWS I don't want to do then don't offer me an out. Our communication has gotten better but there will be many more bumps on the road. I assure you my friend, there are many layers to this onion. Perhaps you should try to talk with her about it. She may just give the pat answer "No, nothings wrong" (GRRR... I hate that!) but when she's ready she'll let you know. Good luck and hold on tight.
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