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Originally Posted by joeb1
I don't find that it has changed my realtionship with my children. Not at all.
Do you really believe that I can't be open and honest with my children because I have spanked them? 
I find it very effective when used properly.
Violence is part of life. Pain is part of life. Look at the times we live in. I will not raise a child who is sheltered. They need to have these experiences to become well rounded humans.
But I will communicate with my children, I will dicipline my children the way I see fit. And if a spanking is needed, then that is what they shall get.
The way I see it. All the talk in the world will not correct a child when they have their mind set on something. You can put them in time outs until they are blue in the face. (And I do believe that method "time Out" has it's place)
And our kids have literally held their breath trying to get their way until their eyes all most rolled back in their heads....
I can see your point about your friends who spank on a constant basis. I think that any punishment, or corrective action that is used repeatedly as the only means. Ceases to be effective. You have to be creative. Each child is different. What works for some is not always affective with othe others. |
I agree that violence is a part of life, but is it really something that a child should expect from a parent? I feel a parent should always be a source of comfort and security, and you can't get that if the parent spanks or even verbally abuses.
I have a four year-old who has, I must admit, done things that might make me want to resort to spanking. But I always try to step back and re-evaluate the situation, and try to understand the cause of the behavior. And it's very, very tiring to have to explain things to a four year-old who is acting stubbornly, but I find that it has good long-term effects. Okay, the kids might grow up to feel their dad is this guy who keeps lecturing them, but that's okay with me.
I know that spanking is effective, but it is really effective only in controlling behavior. And maybe only for the short-term. And to be honest, I don't WANT my kids to always do what I say. I want them to grow up and do things that they feel are right to do, even if it is against my wishes. And they'd better explain themselves when they do. Part of the whole open communication thing. I think talking things out (as hard as it is to reason with a four year-old) helps them understand my rationale for what may seem like arbitrary decisions. It's too easy to spank them because they broke one of my rules. They need to understand why those rules are there, and why I made them.