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Hi there.
No qualified writer myself, but from a joy of reading I would venture the following comment.
Your opening description of her is too long and detailed. It sounds as though I should be expecting a screenplay format after it. It's kind of like you are setting out a blueprint for an artist about to do illustrations for the book or film.
Don't mean to be harsh but that's my take on it.
How about cutting it down and intertwining the description with what' she's doing. As she's walking down the hall, what motions does she make?
Does she twirl her staff or fiddle with any other kit? Does anything make her look uncomfortable or look unique in the way she sets it, to a function maybe?
I know you tried to get it into the opening line, but there's a lot of detail right up front. Does a reader NEED to know everything about a chracter that must have a lot of issues and convictions? Why not have her touch a piece of clothing or jewellery after some kind of thought, leaving enough up to the reader to make the guess at what it means to her or why she does it? Like the earrings. To me a book's character unfolds well throughout the book. The story shows us (usually) a chracter of X traits and uses those to show us how they respond to the events that unfold and how that character adapts to or fights what happens to them.
If you set a character in stone on page one, there's no surprise or mystery. A reader doesn't feel the need to find out more about them, it's all there. And a chracter set in granite is very hard to adapt later.
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