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I've had the same problem. I just gave up. Must have spent 2 days there waiting for her to show up.
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I had this problem too so i bought the safe house closest to her's. Then i'd go to her house and if she wasn't there i'd go save which would advance the game 6 hours or so. Then i'd go back and try again. I had to do this maybe 4 or 5 times til she finally showed up.
Also about taking over gang territory:
Spoiler:
I wouldn't bother taking over gang territory before moving out of Los Santos. My roomate took over all the territory before advancing and when he got back to Los Santos toward the end of the game all the gang territory was back and he had to do it all over again.