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Wow this is pretty bizarre to read. I have a similar situation, if you don't mind me pouring my heart out as well (?)
We've been together 15 years, lived together for thirteen and married for 8.
We virtually grew up together, just kids in highschool when we started dating.
The 2 major differences in your & my situations are that it's my husband that has the role of your wife, and there are no brain tumours or other health issues in our case. But I absolutely associate with every issue you've tried to overcome, from dealing with family trauma to the tug of war within the relationship for balance and sharing responsibilities.
My hardest period has been the last 3 years. Our initmacy went into the toilet and I cried myself to sleep regularly, feeling unloved and unworthy. I asked why he wasn't interested and was told my weight ( note : I know I'm not a monster, I modeled in my 20s (31 now) During this imposed abstinence I was 5'8 and 160lbs .... I'm now down to 135.....160 is hardly obese at my height). He wouldn't see a doctor or counsellor, swore he still loved me and was faithful, said he felt awful telling me this but that it was solely my weight. I was freakin crushed. I waited almost 2 years, but became anxious, suspecting and worried about where his attentions were going. Then last fall things improved in our intimacy but fell apart in other areas. I started to feel resentful, angry that he could just write me off like that for so long with what I felt was a shitty explanation. My trust started to feel shaky. I started to make lists in my head of what I had put into this and he hadn't : doing all the chores, bringing him a cold beer while he sat on the computer, all the times I said it was okay that he never bought me birthday or Xmas presents, it's all so not okay. It's digressed all year, he dove into his game more and more (MMORPG) which has caused further trust issues. Our time now consists of fighting, insulting each other, crying, leaving, coming back and talking.
We're both growing weary of these unresolved issues.
In the last 2 weeks he's made a great effort to buy groceries, do laundry and play his computer game less. He feels like he's doing his part, but is still being persecuted, smothered and investigated by me. Guilty as charged, I am no angel here either. I feel like what he's doing now won't last, I have great difficulty believing in him and as terrible as it sounds I feel owed. Owed an apology for hanging me out to dry, for taking me and our marriage for granted and owed time, because I'm sceptical this effort will last.
I know, great attitude.... I know. I'm having a hard time playing Pollyanna.
I just started going to a MC (marriage counsellor) last week, and he finally said he would go with me to the next one which is a big step for him. He's asked me to leave meanwhile, but I dunno....
I truly believe a marriage takes open and honest communication, dedicating time & attention to your partner, trust through accountability and a willingness to compromise.
I wish you healing in your relationship OneTime2...
just know you aren't alone, welcome change into your life and concentrate on whatever is going right (note to self....)
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