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messyjessie3911 · 11-21-2004, 07:55 PM

it was a month ago. i'm 17. i know you're suppossed to be 18 to be in here but girls mature 5 years faster than guys so i'm kind of like a 22 year old guy. but not in that way. anyways, i've been in love with him for about 3 1/2 years. we're great friends. he had a gf for about 3 of those years. she was a horrid bitch who ruined his desire to be in love again b/c she mistreated him and cheated on him and he was so in love with her. she was his first love and he was mine. he lost his virginity to her and i stupidly lost mine to him. she wasn't very attractive to say the least, and (not to brag) but he is very attracted to me. he and i had been hooking up since august (only about a month after he and his ex were ended) and we got drunk one night and had sex. thing is, he has hurt me so badly so many times, but i still can't let go of him. he doesn't want a relationship, which i really don't need from him. i just need him to make me feel special, and i don;t know how to tell him to do that. he doesn't know how either. he loves me, and he has feelings for me, but he doesn't want to date, and i want him soooooo badly i can't stand it. i think we have some kind of chemical chemistry that just makes us want each other. he is so bad for me b/c i care so much for him and he is so confused as to what he wants right now. he knows what he doesn't want ( a relationship) but he doesn't know what he does want. i have no will power when it comes to him. i'm a pretty strong person, but present me with him, and i lose all my convictions. i always imagined losing it to him, and it sucks how it happened. he doesn't even rememeber it. but i want to do it again, with him. i know i shouldn't, but ic an't help wanting him. i don't regret it at all. i live without regrets. i thought i would learn ffrom the experience, but i don't think i did. is it bad to want to keep hooking up with him? is it bad to keep doing it? we've been on and off since august and it being off obviously doesn't work since we keep going back on again. help me please.

11-21-2004, 07:55 PM	#34 (permalink)
messyjessie3911 Upright Location: Atlanta	it was a month ago. i'm 17. i know you're suppossed to be 18 to be in here but girls mature 5 years faster than guys so i'm kind of like a 22 year old guy. but not in that way. anyways, i've been in love with him for about 3 1/2 years. we're great friends. he had a gf for about 3 of those years. she was a horrid bitch who ruined his desire to be in love again b/c she mistreated him and cheated on him and he was so in love with her. she was his first love and he was mine. he lost his virginity to her and i stupidly lost mine to him. she wasn't very attractive to say the least, and (not to brag) but he is very attracted to me. he and i had been hooking up since august (only about a month after he and his ex were ended) and we got drunk one night and had sex. thing is, he has hurt me so badly so many times, but i still can't let go of him. he doesn't want a relationship, which i really don't need from him. i just need him to make me feel special, and i don;t know how to tell him to do that. he doesn't know how either. he loves me, and he has feelings for me, but he doesn't want to date, and i want him soooooo badly i can't stand it. i think we have some kind of chemical chemistry that just makes us want each other. he is so bad for me b/c i care so much for him and he is so confused as to what he wants right now. he knows what he doesn't want ( a relationship) but he doesn't know what he does want. i have no will power when it comes to him. i'm a pretty strong person, but present me with him, and i lose all my convictions. i always imagined losing it to him, and it sucks how it happened. he doesn't even rememeber it. but i want to do it again, with him. i know i shouldn't, but ic an't help wanting him. i don't regret it at all. i live without regrets. i thought i would learn ffrom the experience, but i don't think i did. is it bad to want to keep hooking up with him? is it bad to keep doing it? we've been on and off since august and it being off obviously doesn't work since we keep going back on again. help me please.