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Originally Posted by Brooke
You love her. Truly. Why then would you want to hold anything back? Monogomy is giving all you have to that one person.
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I'm not holding anything back. I don't know why you think monogamy is necessary for a relationship to achieve its maximum potential.
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So, you are afraid of falling victem to disnyification. I don't beleive it. If you are open, honest, and aware of that person, and you trust them, I honestly see no reason for monogomy to not be involved. Monogomy does not trap you - but you sound very afraid of giving all you got and then having something other than the freedom you have. try if you can to wrap your mind around the concept that anything worth having is worth working hard for.
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I'm not afraid of monogamy, i am choosing to not be in a monogamous relationship because i don't buy into what the monogamy salespeople are selling. There is no emotional scarring going on here. There is a conscious, noncoerced choice to avoid buying into the idea that someone has to commit their life to me and me alone to prove their love to me. It works for some people, and not for others. It all depends on how realistic you are about what it really means to be in a relationship with another person, as opposed to what our society tells us it means to be in a relationship with another person. I think polyamory is about being a realist. Your perspective is exactly what i am trying to avoid, because you can't seem to fathom how someone could go about being in a relationship that is fundmentally different from the kind you choose to be in and still have a successful relationship. It is condescending for you to imply that my lack of enthusiasm for monagamy is a result of some sort of fear and that if i could only overcome this fear i would see that monogamy really is the one true way.