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Q: Whats red and bad for your teeth?
A: A brick
Q: What do you call a broken boomerang?
A: A stick.
Q: What's green, fuzzy, has four legs, and if it fell from a tree it would kill you?
A: Pool table.
And a couple jokes for good measure
Three mice are sitting at a bar in a pretty rough neighborhood late at
night, trying to impress each other about how tough they are. The first
mouse throws down a shot of bourbon, slams the empty glass onto the bar,
turns to the second mouse and says, "When I see a mousetrap, I lie on my
back and set it off with my foot. When the bar comes down, I catch it in
my teeth, bench press it twenty times to work up an appetite, and then
make off with the cheese."
The second mouse orders up two shots of tequila, drinks them down one
after the other, slams both glasses onto the bar, turns to the first mouse
and replies, "Oh yeah? When I see rat poison, I collect as much as I can,
take it home, grind it up to a powder, and add it to my coffee each
morning so I can get a good buzz going for the rest of the day."
The first mouse and the second mouse then turn to the third mouse.
The third mouse finishes the beer he has in front of him, lets out a long
sigh and says to the first two, "I don't have time for this bullshit.
Gotta go home and have sex with the cat."
St.Peter and the Pearly Gates..
It got crowded in heaven, so, for one day it was decided only to accept
people who had really had a bad day on the day they died. St. Peter was
standing at the pearly gates and said to the first man, "Tell me about the
day you died." The man said, "Oh, it was awful. I was sure my wife was
having an affair, so I came home early to catch her with him. I searched
all over the apartment but couldn't find him anywhere. So I went out onto
the balcony, we live on the 25th floor, and found this man hanging over
the edge by his fingertips. I went inside, got a hammer, and started
hitting his hands. He fell, but landed in some bushes. So, I got the
refrigerator and pushed it over the balcony and it crushed him. The strain
of the act gave me a heart attack, and I died." St. Peter couldn't deny
that this was a pretty bad day, and since it was a crime of passion, he
let the man in. He then asked the next man in line about the day he died.
"Well, sir, it was awful," said the second man. "I was doing aerobics on
the balcony of my 26th floor apartment when I twisted my ankle and slipped
over the edge. I managed to grab the balcony of the apartment below, but
some maniac came out and started pounding on my fingers with a hammer.
Luckily I landed in some bushes. But, then the guy dropped a refrigerator
on me!" St. Peter chuckled, let him into heaven and decided he could
really start to enjoy this job. "Tell me about the day you died?", he said
to the third man in line. "OK, picture this, I'm naked, hiding inside a
refrigerator...."
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