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Originally Posted by tomintroy
I've just learned that my SO had 10 or more one niters (she's 48) and It's bothering the hell out of me as well. and save the "double standard crap", I'm a guy, but I hold myself to the same level of sexual integrety as women and I have never had a one niter. Using the argument that some level of casual sex can be tolerated then any level should be OK. The right number should be age related as well as throwing in a few mistakes of life. I wish I could deal with this new found info from her but I can't stop thinking and feeling bad. I suddenly feel this cheapenss everything about her/me and us. I feel like just a number rather than the special person i am. This feeling I've got now is as strong and negitive as the love was as strong and as positive.
I'm writing because I want to come to terms with my feelings. I've even seen and am continuing counseling. I'm not sure if counceling can help me. Any feedback from this group would be GREATLY appreciated.
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Why does knowing the number of people she's fucked change anything? Is she not the same person whose company you enjoyed before she dropped this little bomb on you? The only thing that has cheapened your relationship is the fact that you can't get past something like this. If the relationship had value to you, you would find a way to come to terms with this. I'm guessing that your relationship is more than a one night stand, so what makes you think that she doesn't think you're special? She's with you, right? I think you need to get over her sexual history, because there are a lot worse things a girlfriend can be than "formerly moderately promiscuous". If you can't deal with it than she is better off without you.