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Originally Posted by adam
This is just wrong -- you should kick her out immediately. She is using you.
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I agree. How screwed up can this be: she lives off you while she's screwing the guy she had an affair with while you were traveling and working to pay for her lifestyle? So does the rat come over to you place and f__ her while you're away? (I assume you still travel.)
Hey, count yourself lucky: thank God you weren't married, especially with kids.
What does her actor man get? He gets a woman who cheats on her man. Plain and simple. They deserve each other.
Anyway, I think affairs start when a couple isn't in touch with each other. Sounds like you two weren't keeping up with each other, and actor boy comes along to fill a need she thought you weren't.
Most likely a-b will be a transitional lover, the classic "exit affair." She'll boot him, sit around, then get some long term guy to marry her.
Boot her out, go get individuall counseling to see how to do it better next time, and then start to get into activities that will connect you with people (including women) who do the same things you like to do.
If you meet a woman at a bar, you get a woman who meets men in bars. Go to church, meet a woman there, then that's what you get.
What are the personal activities that you like doing, that would produce contacts with women who like to do the things you like?
Good luck!