raeanna74

Why is it that you want to do this without a lawyer?? You can get a mediating Lawyer - meaning that they don't exactly take one side or the other. They just advise both and do the paperwork. No matter what a divorce usually takes aroun 3-6 month's minimum to complete. There's a lot of filing with the state and paperwork that has to be done. A lawyer will take care of that. I'm not sure what the "going" retainer is for a divorce lawyer but you can find them. There are some who will do this "pro-bono" and are listed with the state as doing this kind of thing. If money is the issue ask your local Social Services Department if they can hook you up with the listing of Pro-bono Lawyers who will deal with this. You have to qualify sometimes by income or by situation but you but in an application and they'll make the offer to help you. Now if you're trying to stay away from making this situation get ugly - I suggest a lawyer would keep things more civil. She is showing a lack of respect for you and a disregard for consequences. You need to get your case together, see a lawyer, and FILE before you let her know what's going on. I would be afraid of her running with one of her lovers and YOUR kid. If she leaves to another state with your kid it could be nigh impossible to get the kid back even if you are given legal custody. Can you imagine how ugly that would get? I know I'm thinking in terms of the worst case scenerio but in this situation I think you need to. Be prepared for the worst and hope for the best. Filing for divorce without a lawyer is NOT being prepared for the worst. If you don't get a lawyer she could manipulate things and make promises and you might miss getting it ALL in writing. Then it could be impossible to hold her to her word. Also once she gets custody of the kid it will be almost impossible for you to get the kid back. You need your evidence NOW. I'm not saying that you should be vengeful or bitter. You simply need to be armed just in case she gets vengeful or dirty. Don't underestimate her. Please, please don't do this without a lawyer.

If you can't pay the retainer for one now then borrow the money from a friend, or start stashing away some mad money. Not in a savings account because that's marital property if created after marriage and she can swipe it. Put it in a well hidden place or at your parents house or someone you could trust with your life (let alone trust not to cheat with your wife). Save up until you got what you need and stay quiet about it until you get your lawyer and file for custody AND divorce at the same time.

I'm so sorry to hear this happen to you. I admire your lack of bitterness or vengefulness. It is a good role model for your child. Just be careful not to model being a doormat. I have the tendency to do this myself so I understand the mentality. Take care and I wish the best for you and your child.

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"Always learn the rules so that you can break them properly." Dalai Lama
My Karma just ran over your Dogma.