waltert

holy shit, ive had a breakthrough....some people say that using contraceptives is EVILE, and a SIN lord jesus amen.

but now....technically, cant sperm be construed as a murder weapon, since its known that complications in childbirth could lead to death. I need to post that in the pharmacists against birth control thread.

but I tell you what...if you're really worried about pissing god off, just get an old 1 gallon pickle jar and jack off into it every time. seal it up tight when you're done, if you want to be proper about things, put in the freezer when you're done.
then...when you do get a wife, (has to be a wife, no girlfriends allowed) go buy a funnel from the local autoparts store. when the new wife asks what the hell you are doing, just tell her that you are obeying god's direct orders, and she will be cast down to hell if she does not comply. now, thats right, funnel that stuff in there. if some falls out, dont worry, just apologize to god and he'll be cool with it.
now....thats intentionally absurd.
that should help put to light how absurd it is to try not to masterbate because of your religion.
if you never ever did it before, you stand a decent chance of being able to hold out, but once you pop, the fun dont stop, and I would argue that you must do it to promote mental stability. not to mention that wet dreams "naturally" eject sperm while you're asleep and if you beleive in god, then you must beleive that he designed you that way, therefore god would promote the disposal of sperm in times of hardship so that you have a fresh supply waiting to leap into action.

sorry if my argument is choppy, its too cold in here to maintain a continuous line of thought.

the moral is: beat it and dont repent, god wants you to.

and EDIT: you guys who posted that you should masturbate on the bible had me on the floor with laughter. I can see it now: "mom, I think you and dad should get me a box of bibles for christmas, the pages on all of my old ones are stuck together."