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Originally Posted by Nazggul
Lockjaw, on the issue of infidelity I totally agree with you. Although in this situation infidelity is an assumption you are making based on a high number. I disagree that they must go hand in hand and will therefore leave that right alone. Your second point is muddled with the first and again assumes infidelity so I'm not sure how that differs from the first.
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The second doesn't mix with infidelity at all. It's totally based upon me having a different opinion on sex than a person that's willing to have a one night stand. You can have tons of one night stands and not be in a relationship but a person willing to do that isn't the kind of person I'm looking for.
And as far as assuming the infidelity that would be determined by inquiring about how many long term relationships they had felt like they had been in.
If they told me 6-7 but then told me they had sex with like 50 people(and I'm basing this on somebody roughly my own age 24-26) then one of those two things I said above would have to be true. Simply no other way around that.
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I agree in principal with the "different standard" of sex. However, you are making a rather weighty decision based on assumptions that only have the number of sexual partners as a basis.
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But considering the other conjoining factors it's not just based purely on number of partners. It's based upon how did you arrive at such high numbers. It's based upon were those numbers mitigated by long term relationships at some point. Before this gets confused I'm making this decision based fully on very reasonable criteria. As I said earlier in the thread I have my own scale of what I consider reasonable that being 3 a year starting at the age of sexual maturity of 14. I'm 26. My current girlfriend is 23. Under my system her magic number so to speak is 27 give or take a few. That's not a small number by any stretch. But it also is some what reasonable to expect a person to at least be able to maintain a relationships that average 4 months a piece per person they've slept with. A 4 month relationship is actually pretty dang short in my book.
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I will say again, this person that you care enough about to consider a sexual relationship is the same person before and after you became aware of the "number." What attracted you to that person in the first place has not changed. These situations are not as easy as black and white; to treat it as such would be naive.
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And it's not just black and white but neither is it throwing things to complete abandon and not making a some what logic based choice BEFORE you are fully emotionally vested in the relationship. Now that being said this subject likely would come up before anything "serious" happened between me and a potential mate. And what attracted me to a person is generally entirely different from what makes me want to stay. A pretty smile a nice shape and a good attitude can attract me. But if she doesn't share the same basic outlook on life...well gotta go. More people need to think about that part of it. I can easily make myself stay based on the bubbles of the first few months and weeks of a relationship but if i can see it's not going to work why stay and prolong the grief?
Naive in my book would be to completely ignore past history even when it points to a great possibility that person not being right for you. When you view sex and relationships in the manner I view it, a person that routinely has one night stands, or a person that routinely has short relationships isn't right for me. And they likely would be happier overall with somebody with their views on sex as likely I probably wouldn't be giving it up soon enough for them to begin with.