Crooky

A man walks into a bar with his pet squirrel monkey on his shoulder. He sits down at the bar and orders a beer and the monkey jumps off his shoulder. The monkey is running all over the bar, eating the beer nuts and generally disturbing the customers.

The bartender, starting to get slightly annoyed says: "Hey! You'd better get that damn monkey out of here! He's scaring off customers."

"Sorry about that," says the man, "He's always picking up whatever he can get his hands on and eating it."

He smacks the monkey and the monkey goes flying across the room and lands on the pool table. The first thing the monkey does is to pick up the cue-ball and stuff it in his mouth and swallow it.

The bartender flips out and says: "Did you see what your monkey did? He ate the cue-ball!"

"Listen, I'm real sorry," said the man. "How much for the damage?"

The bartender tells him and he pays up and leaves, taking the monkey with him.

Two weeks later, the man comes back into the bar with his pet monkey. The monkey jumps off the man's shoulder and scurries across the barm eating all the beer nuts and whatnot. Then the monkey comes to a marascino cherry on a stick. The monkey picks it up, shoves it up his ass, then pulls it out and eats it.

The bartender yells "All right, you sick bastard, get that damned monkey out of here!"

The guy at the bar says "Look, I'm sorry. It's just that since he ate that cue-ball here, he measures everything first."