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First serious girlfriend I ever had, I was sixteen. We had been together for a very intense 10 months, but had been best friends for another couple before. We both start getting very depressed, for some reason I have yet to understand and this is years later. It got to the point where we both would have qualified to have Borderline Personality Disorder (ie selfmutilation, drinking binges etc.), and yes I read up a bit on it.
Then we both just decided that we needed to stop being together because we figured we were making each other depressed. I just remember feeling so cold the entire month after, and I still talked to her a fair bit. However this other girl I had known for a couple years and I started to talk more, because she had also recently broken up with her boyfriend. We started seeing each, but very lowkey because neither of us wanted to rush into anything by far.
Unfortunately my ex took this by far the wrong way and at a party, we were both pretty wasted and she tried to kiss me. However I somehow realized that this would only create a gigantic emotional mess for all parties involved and told her that I couldn't. She immediately ran off and got a ride home.
Later that night she started talking to me on Messenger and swearing at me and talking about only one of us could ever be happy and it might as well be me and that she was just going to go 'down with ship'. Then she just says that she's going to end 'it' and signs off of MSN.
I couldn't even move, I tried picking up the phone but I couldn't even dial the number. I somehow managed to message a friend that lived near her, (I lived like a 20min drive away) to go and check her house. About an hour later I get a message that she's still alive. However by this time, I'm sure she's dead because of me and I'm a complete mess, I won't go into the details. I very soon after broke up with the other girl because of the whole mess.
Subsequently, my best friend Gregg and I were helping out a staff party and he asks me if he can start seeing her, I of course say yes. Also, the other girl starts seeing another of my good friends. This all culminated about 2 weeks before christmas. I spent the entire time virtually alone, worst months of my life. After that I find myself very hard pressed to become too emotionally close to people. But sometimes I think it's kind of better that way. Eh, whatever.
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