Well, I decided to do two things...back off now and let her make all her own legal decisions, and to write my daughter a letter clearing up my side of the street, and apologizing for the mistakes I made in some of my approaches.
About the same time I was deciding how to word the letter, my ex called and told me that I could come and see the baby (my grandson) while my daughter was out at school, which I did. Man, I missed him! But I felt sneaky. A few days later, my ex called and said that my daughter said I could go over there any time that she wasnt there and see the baby.
I wrote the letter, and took it over there and left it for her. I told her that I regretted going to court against her (the same result would have happened had I not gone to court), and told her that she was now an adult in my eyes, and could make all her own decisions and live with the results, that I would not be contacting courts, probation officers, child support agencies, etc. That I would not be escalating the situation any further, and that my only efforts would be towards healing our relationship.
She called me up that night and thanked me for the letter, told me I could come over any time I wanted to see the baby and her, and that she was sorry too for her anger.
IN RETROSPECT:
I think I took the correct approach...tough at first and then loosening up. The young man in question will see his charges reduced to a misdemeanor in 18 months (he's halfway there) if he stays out of trouble. After that, one good letter to the judge by his PO and myself (with my daughter's permission) will certainly result in having the conviction expunged completely from his record, or so I have been assured. So I think he will have learned, and grown up, without any permanent damage in the long run (it wasn't murder, after all). He has been ordered to get paternity tested, and that will cause child support to automatically happen, but that is no longer my business. I'll just trust that that will happen. I will financially help my daughter while she is in school, like I have always promised.
My daughter and I both learned, I think, that preserving our relationship and love, is more important than the details of life, no matter how troublesome, contentious, or provocative they may be. Neither of us liked what we had become, and the pain we both had to endure. We are still a long way from healing our relationship, but we are on the path, for the first time in several years. She agreed to go to counseling with me, which is a first for her.
I want to thank all of you who offered your perspectives and you honest feedback. They really helped me in formulating an approach to take with this. I don't know what I would have done without this forum. How else could I have gotten such a wide variety of input? And thank you as well, for your best wishes that were offered so many times. I guess that we can now close this thread, unless anybody has any final comments. I will post updates if and when things change.
Peace.