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First off, I would just like to say, good job on not automatically jumping to divorce as a solution for your marital problems, far to many people see that a solution, instead of working on the actual problems.(But don't stay in the marriage if it becomes unsafe or you realize that it just can't work out no matter what you do) As everyone has said before, get outside help and advice(professional, the TFP doesn't count), if will make things much easier if you hear possible solutions from someone else.
Second off, I don't care how mad you or your husband get, neither of you should be hitting the other. Your only going to make things much worse by doing that.
Third, don't blame your mom. That's not going to help you solve YOUR problems. Accept that you are the way you are and that you want to change that, don't rationalize your behavior with your past, that just lets you make excuses for behaving in the way your trying to change.
Next, telling your husband what bothers you so that he can avoid doing it does NOT solve the problem, it just avoids it and maybe they are things that, while they seem reasonable to you for him to stop, are not reasonable to him for him to stop. Try to deal with your anger issues instead of avoiding them.
If you or anyone has problems with some of the advice I have given, just ignore it, it's advice from a person you have never met, don't know, and besides, its advice, you don't have to follow it.
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Apathy: The best outlook this side of I don't give a damn.
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