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ravenradiodj · 10-20-2004, 06:34 AM

Amen, Cathartic! As one-half of a very happy and very open 15 year marriage, I heartily agree. What this boils down to is a simple question of free choice between consenting adults. I think my lifestyle is much more healthy and honest than that of someone who's married and cheating, then lying about it to their spouse. I don't think that a family should be torn apart by divorce simply because one of the married parents got laid. It's your life, your body, make your own rules, and be honest and upfront with your partner(s) and yourself. I'll briefly cover the cheif arguments against polygamy here, and offer my responses:
1. It's immoral - perhaps by your value system, not by mine.
2. It's dangerous - STDs, etc. - if we avoided any potentially dangerous activity, we'd all be living on mother's milk in padded cells. My body, my choice.
3. One partner is enough for any normal person - avoiding the problematic issue of trying to define "normal", let me say this: sure, one partner is enough. My wife and I have a great physical relationship. I have no complaints. However, if I meet someone and there's an attraction, and I develop a trust and a friendship with that person, then I see no reason to deny myself. Ever take a second helping of dessert, even though you're already full? Philosophically, it's the same thing.
4. It takes time/money/energy away from your family - I am very careful and selective about outside partners, and though I'm no Brad Pitt, I can honestly say that I've turned away more potential outside partners than I've accepted. When I do spend time with my outside partner, it's during a business trip, when the kids are in school, etc. My wife and kids always come first, and my outside partner has known and accepted this since day one.
5. It sets a bad example for children - my children aren't even old enough to understand what to suspect, but if the day comes that they do ask us about it, our intention is to tell them that this is our choice, it is NOT an easy way to live, it is NOT the norm of our society, and we discourage anyone from jumping into it without careful consideration. If your primary relationship is not 100% solid, if there isn't complete love and trust there, it'll never work. Our attitude is that the possessiveness and jealousy so many monogamists feel regarding this issue is a clear sign that their marriages have some serious trust and self-esteem issues.

10-20-2004, 06:34 AM	#36 (permalink)
ravenradiodj Crazy	Amen, Cathartic! As one-half of a very happy and very open 15 year marriage, I heartily agree. What this boils down to is a simple question of free choice between consenting adults. I think my lifestyle is much more healthy and honest than that of someone who's married and cheating, then lying about it to their spouse. I don't think that a family should be torn apart by divorce simply because one of the married parents got laid. It's your life, your body, make your own rules, and be honest and upfront with your partner(s) and yourself. I'll briefly cover the cheif arguments against polygamy here, and offer my responses: 1. It's immoral - perhaps by your value system, not by mine. 2. It's dangerous - STDs, etc. - if we avoided any potentially dangerous activity, we'd all be living on mother's milk in padded cells. My body, my choice. 3. One partner is enough for any normal person - avoiding the problematic issue of trying to define "normal", let me say this: sure, one partner is enough. My wife and I have a great physical relationship. I have no complaints. However, if I meet someone and there's an attraction, and I develop a trust and a friendship with that person, then I see no reason to deny myself. Ever take a second helping of dessert, even though you're already full? Philosophically, it's the same thing. 4. It takes time/money/energy away from your family - I am very careful and selective about outside partners, and though I'm no Brad Pitt, I can honestly say that I've turned away more potential outside partners than I've accepted. When I do spend time with my outside partner, it's during a business trip, when the kids are in school, etc. My wife and kids always come first, and my outside partner has known and accepted this since day one. 5. It sets a bad example for children - my children aren't even old enough to understand what to suspect, but if the day comes that they do ask us about it, our intention is to tell them that this is our choice, it is NOT an easy way to live, it is NOT the norm of our society, and we discourage anyone from jumping into it without careful consideration. If your primary relationship is not 100% solid, if there isn't complete love and trust there, it'll never work. Our attitude is that the possessiveness and jealousy so many monogamists feel regarding this issue is a clear sign that their marriages have some serious trust and self-esteem issues.