nomorensx

My wife and I have been having problems in our marriage for the first time in 15 years. After a couple of months of thinking we would end up divorced, we both finally sat down together and tried to identify what the problems are. It turned out that I had said something in an offhanded manner that she took very, very wrong. She then began to "punish" me until things got very bad. Now, we are working on the things that we would not have identified if not for the conversation(s). Plus, the situation and our willingness to talk about it, forced us to look hard at our relationship. We are gaining a clearer understanding of what we both need and the work it takes to make a marriage work.

During this time, I read my wife's email and discovered that she had been talking to others about the "death" of our marriage. I figured she would be pissed that I "intruded." She never said a word about it because we were focused on the real issues that were important to address.

So, my advice to your friend would be to sit down with his wife and explain that he wants the marriege to work but that he has a problem. Tell her that he has read her computer files and what he found. Focus on the content of the messages and how it makes the friend feel. If the wife cares about the marriage at all, she may be mad about the "intrusion" at first, but she should get past that very quickly so that she can explain the content of the communications with her friend.

I would ignore everyone here who has said he should say nothing or who have indicated that he should not have been reading anything on her computer -- as if that is worse than cheating on a spouse. Besides, you never know when one of your children may have been the result of an affair and may not be your kid at all.