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Hmmm. I wasn't aware of much when I was young, and went for the nookie with enthusiasm. I respected my girlfriends, and tried not to press for actions they weren't comfortable with. So my level of activity varied with the girls and the relationships.
But I've slowly come to a different view. As TRFP said:
TRFP: "From a clearly statistical point of view-Those who engage in pre-marital sex are 60% more likely to get divorced."
Those who wait until marriage gain several advantages: Freedom from social diseases for one. Much higher likelyhood of successful marriage for another. Greater likelyhood of fidelity in marriage, because of two reasons: (1) the moral view that chasitity and fidelity are of great worth usually go together and (2) when your only sexual experience is with your spouse, you feel less inclined to wander and that wandering would be a bigger deal.
But there is a deeper reason, that took me a long time to figure out. Dr. Pepper Schwartz of the U. of Washington found that the happiest people are those in good marriages. But only about 20% of marriages are good ones, and they are heaven on earth. About 60% of marriages are blah, or about worth what the cost to the partners. And about 20% are hell on earth. Single life is clearly better than the worst 20% of marriages. But she was unable to identify any way to tell what kind of marriage you were forming, before being married awhile. Well, she was multiply divorced, so it follows that she wasn't able to predict marital success.
Finding and forming a really good companionship is tough. But that is the basis or foundation of a good marriage. I've learned by experience that once a sexual relationship develops, we tend to get overwhelmed by the sexual, and become unable to feel the finer clues about the quality of the freindship, or companionship that we're building. So I learned to hold off on sex, until I could determine how well the companionship worked. And that's pretty much until we get engaged, anyway. Add to that the value of being able to honestly tell our daughters that we waited, and why not just wait until the wedding night. It's so much more romantic.
So there are huge practical advantages to waiting. Maybe that's why God seems to have told his prophets to advocate chastity? I suspect so. Then again, I believe in a very loving God, who gives us comandments designed to bless us.
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Trueheart
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