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Very well written Sere. A lot of strong emotion and imagery. Well concieved and takes the reader from point A to B at a good pace.
If this is just a rough draft, you, sir have great talent and should be doing this for a living.
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I just love people who use the excuse "I use/do this because I LOVE the feeling/joy/happiness it brings me" and expect you to be ok with that as you watch them destroy their life blindly following. My response is, "I like to put forks in an eletrical socket, just LOVE that feeling, can't ever get enough of it, so will you let me put this copper fork in that electric socket?"
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