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raeanna74 · 10-14-2004, 10:39 AM

Personally I think you did right by her. If she can't see that what you've done is what she SHOULD have done already then that's her problem. Granted it's driven an wede between you and your daughter but that's her wedge that's there not yours IMHO.

My parents set very strict bounderies for me. Strangely enough they weren't nearly as strict with my younger brother. I ended up getting into trouble the minute I was out of the home because I so desperately felt I needed that outside control. I allowed myself to be controlled by an abusive boyfriend because it was comfortable. When I finally got away from all that control I had to learn to control myself. That was hard. But I think I learned it and learned not to be dependant on others for control over me. I said all that to say this. Your bounderies were intended to help. It seems they've not done what you desired. Now I think, especially since she's getting close to 18, it would be a good idea for you to step back and let her be. She refuses to talk to you? Don't try to talk to her. Sell that car, put the money into a savings account, but don't tell her about it. Save the money, if you are still afraid of her future, for when she has hit rock bottom and comes to you admitting that you're fears for her were justified. When you can see she's learned what she needs to from this then you can help her.

My younger brother who had few bounderies from my parents ended up pushing the limit in other ways. He literally dared my parents to set bounderies for him and they never did so until they were physically harmed by him. Some kids need more control and some need less but in the end they all need to learn to control themselves on their own. I fear the day that I have to step back and let my daughter deal with all her problems on her own as an adult. I know I will have to though.

Step back, let her deal with life, and let her know that you will be there when it all come crumbling down. Perhaps then you both can heal your wounds.

10-14-2004, 10:39 AM	#63 (permalink)
raeanna74 I'm not a blonde! I'm knot! I'm knot! I'm knot! Location: Upper Michigan	Personally I think you did right by her. If she can't see that what you've done is what she SHOULD have done already then that's her problem. Granted it's driven an wede between you and your daughter but that's her wedge that's there not yours IMHO. My parents set very strict bounderies for me. Strangely enough they weren't nearly as strict with my younger brother. I ended up getting into trouble the minute I was out of the home because I so desperately felt I needed that outside control. I allowed myself to be controlled by an abusive boyfriend because it was comfortable. When I finally got away from all that control I had to learn to control myself. That was hard. But I think I learned it and learned not to be dependant on others for control over me. I said all that to say this. Your bounderies were intended to help. It seems they've not done what you desired. Now I think, especially since she's getting close to 18, it would be a good idea for you to step back and let her be. She refuses to talk to you? Don't try to talk to her. Sell that car, put the money into a savings account, but don't tell her about it. Save the money, if you are still afraid of her future, for when she has hit rock bottom and comes to you admitting that you're fears for her were justified. When you can see she's learned what she needs to from this then you can help her. My younger brother who had few bounderies from my parents ended up pushing the limit in other ways. He literally dared my parents to set bounderies for him and they never did so until they were physically harmed by him. Some kids need more control and some need less but in the end they all need to learn to control themselves on their own. I fear the day that I have to step back and let my daughter deal with all her problems on her own as an adult. I know I will have to though. Step back, let her deal with life, and let her know that you will be there when it all come crumbling down. Perhaps then you both can heal your wounds. __________________ "Always learn the rules so that you can break them properly." Dalai Lama My Karma just ran over your Dogma.