CityOfAngels

Today, I saw my ex-girlfriend for the first time in many months. We had agreed to meet at a Starbucks. I have to give it to myself: We didn't end up in bed this time! I think this is a big step in my moving on. One thing I must admit, though, is when we were hanging out today, a lot of the 'old' feelings came back, and I had to restrain myself from saying something stupid like, "I love you." I mean, those things that came natural to me when we were together were trying to resurface; like when she told me she had a headache, I was tempted to just start giving her a neck/shoulder massage. But I didn't, thank God.

One thing that really meant a lot to me is that she was the one who initiated the meeting this time, and when I was about to leave once we were done at Starbucks, she urged me to stay with her a little longer and go to Barnes & Noble and a clothing store with her. It really felt like she was enjoying my company, and most importantly: I felt missed. One thing that always tore at my heart was that feeling that our past together meant nothing to her; that she didn't miss me. It really helped to know, even though we both know we're not right for each other, that our past actually means something to her, even in the smallest way.

It was hard not to put my arm around her 'like the good ol' days', but I'm glad I didn't do anything stupid like that. When we hugged, I could tell she had to try hard not to kiss me; not because she really wanted to, but rather because it's something we had become used to with each other.

The whole meeting acted as some sort of 'confronting my fears' situation, and I think it actually worked out for the better. *Raises imaginary glass* Here's to my (hopefully) completely moving on in the near future.

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The words "love" and "life" go together. It is almost as if they are one. You must love to live, and you must live to love, or you have never lived nor loved at all.