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bonehed, bite the bullet and spank her. If you don't, the kid will begin to associate punishment with just the mother. Both parties should spank, or neither should spank.
Another good rule of thumb: Whichever parent thinks the kid needs a spanking should NOT the the person spanking them. The other one should do the spanking, to assure that it's done moderately and not out of anger or parental fear.
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