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alright - I appreciate the replies and I'll take the good with the bad
we're getting older that could be a factor
he has a new job that could be a factor
he could be threatened by my own changes and feel less confident that could be a factor
our days with the kids are long and that could be a factor too
it's been a gradual diminishing and i really don't think he's cheating because we start our day so early and he's home for supper, but he works after, or we have kid sports
i'm going to make an effort to be more affectionate in a non sexual way and see how that plays out - i don't just want sex even though it's lacking - i need affection
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